I don't know Chinese, but I've heard "Welcome to Beijing" so many times that I could probably sing the whole thing even though I don't know what the heck I'm saying. The best part is that it is sang by a giant group of Chinese celebrities, and if you watch the music video, you'll see Jackie Chan busting out his part atop the great wall in a beautiful white garb. I sat in McDonalds for about 40 minutes with a couple friends one night and heard this song on loop for the entire time I was there. The Chinese spirit of obsession is unparalleled. The only obsession that comes close is the non-Chinese obsession with shopping in their markets. That's the way I spent the majority of my day today. There was a number of great back-and-forths between the venders and myself, but only one story earns a post on this blog.
I was speaking to a BBC commentator (we became friends when I traded him the polo of the company I'm contracted with for a BBC Radio fleece), and he told me he had picked up some Mont Blanc pens that regularly sell for close to $1000 US for about $20 US. The authenticity of Chinese merchandise is debated rarely but hotly, the pro-authentic crowd are usually made up by the same people who count scientology as a real religion. Who cares, this talk was enough to send me to the YaShow! market in search of some goods. Upon arriving, I bought a very nice Raulph Lauren Jacket at about a fifith of what it runs in the States, but the best part of the day was when a lady selling designer jeans snagged me.
She was obviously an asian girl, about 25 years old, and the best way I can describe her in western fashion is that she was a pistol. Of course, I didn't know this when I sauntered into her store and picked up a pair of Diesel jeans.
Pistol: "Ah, you like Diesel jeans?"
DR: "I guess they're alright?"
Pistol: "You a 38. I sell jeans for a long time. I can tell. Good color. You try them on!"
At these Chinese markets, a store is just merchandise stacked from floor to ceiling on three sides of a 6'x6' cubicle, so if they tell you try something on at a pants store, it's weird. They draw a sheet that's four feet high across the back of the cubicle with me behind it and I just drop trough and put them on, negotiating all the while (all the negotiations are done in Yuan which is roughly 6.5 to the dollar).
Pistol: "These are very good jeans! I normally charge much more, but you drive hard bargain with my sister (for the RL jacket), so I give you good price. You're my first sale. I want to open with you. Good friend price! 200!"
DR: "That I cannot do. I can get a good pair of jeans in the US at Marshals for $20 US, so I need a pair here for no more than 80 Yuan."
Pistol: "80!? You insult me! I give you good friend price! You pay more than that!"
DR: "You have to make it worth my while to pack it and take it home. My offer is final...These are too small anyway." And they were. They looked like denim spandex. I decided I wasn't going to buy them, but then she took down the curtain to see if they were indeed too small.
Pistol: "No. Those fit good. You have a good bum [she pats my butt]. Those are a good fit! You want to look good!"
DR: "I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to pass on the jeans altogether. I'm jus tnot feeling them. I need to put my shorts back on."
Pistol: "No! I have your size! You pick color and I find your size! 100Yuan!"
What could I do? She was shrewd. The market was packed, and the only way I was going to get out of their was to walk out, stealing her jeans and getting picked up by security, or I could strip down to my undies in front of a crowd that had gathered around with the commotion of our bartering. I was a captive client. The crowd nknew it and everyone around had a big smile. She had gotten me. I laughed out loud! This was great. And she had dropped the price. She sent a girl to the back to look for the new size, but she didn't think they had it so she tried to convince me on the grape-smugglers I was still wearing.
DR: "You win. If you have the bigger size, I'll pay 100."
Pistol: "38 fits. You eat too much food and get a big butt! You drink too much beer and get fat!" Just then, the girl showed up with the bigger size of the jeans I liked.
Pistol: "HA! We have your size! Put jeans on. They bigger so they cost 200."
DR: [laughing] "I get them for 80 now since you've insulted me." Pistol blushed and smiled. She knew she had betrayed her own salesmanship, but she wouldn't totally give up.
Pistol: "Best price. 125."
DR: "You said 100 earlier. I'll do that."
Pistol: "You also buy me and my sister ice cream for 20 Yuan."
I bought the ice cream. She was hilarious, and that trapping me in her store for just trying on a pair of jeans was Chinese brilliance. I ended up getting a great pair of jeans for the equivalent of less than $20 US. And I had gotten such a good laugh out of her that I was happy to get her and her sister some ice cream. I felt like I'd been dealing with an intelligent 8 year old the whole time, so it almost kind of made since. Everyone who has shopped here has some great stories. If shopping was like this back in the USA, I doubt you'd see half as many men begging not to go.